Presence Over Performance

On staying true to my craft in a world that rewards aesthetics over authenticity

There’s this unspoken pressure online to be… perfect.

Perfect lighting. Perfect angles. Perfect plating. Perfect life. And if you’re not careful, you’ll start believing that if it’s not perfect, it’s not worth sharing.

But here’s the truth nobody really says out loud: most of that “perfect” you’re seeing is staged, paused, adjusted, filtered, and sometimes completely disconnected from real life.

And real life? It doesn’t move like that.

At times, people have asked why I don’t post more on my business page. I simply don’t want to.

As a chef, my world is fast, hot, loud, and constantly moving. When I’m in work mode, I am locked in. I’m not thinking about camera angles or catching the “money shot.” I’m thinking about timing, flavor, temperature, execution, and making sure my clients are taken care of.

The camera is the last thing on my mind. Of course I want to get a good shot of my creations. But I’m not going to make that be the priority of the night.

If I end the night with a few decent photos or a quick video clip, that’s honestly a win.

But according to social media standards? I should be documenting every step, every plate, every garnish, every behind-the-scenes moment. I should be turning every service into content.

And I just… won’t…and ain’t.

Because I didn’t become a chef to become a content creator.

I became a chef because I love to cook. I love feeding people. I love creating experiences. My clients come first. Not the algorithm. Not the likes. Not the views.

And yet, despite not “playing the game” the way social media wants me to, people still find me. My business still grows. My clients still come back.

That alone tells me everything I need to know. You don’t have to perform to be successful.

I think that’s where a lot of people get stuck. We start creating for validation instead of creating from passion.

We start asking, “Will this perform well?” instead of “Does this feel like me?” And slowly, without realizing it, we drift away from ourselves. I’ve made a conscious decision not to do that.

I remember a few times I set up the camera, tried to get all kinds of different angles while trying to cook at the same time and OMG! It just took all the fun out of cooking for me! Now don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy showing people what I made, but my entire point is, I just can’t do this EVERY SINGLE TIME. I won’t.

And if I’m being honest, my life has never been about ease or aesthetics.

I graduated high school pregnant.

From that moment on, it was survival mode. It was on like Donkey Kong (like my mama says lol)

Everything I did was for my kids.

I went to culinary school (Le Cordon Bleu) determined to build something for myself, but life had other plans. My son needed me in a way that required more than I could give while trying to juggle school, so I stepped away. Him and his autism had my full attention.

Because that’s what mothers do. We adjust. We sacrifice. We show up. 365.

Years later, I found my way back and finished a culinary program at a community college in Scottsdale. From there, I worked my way through catering companies, learned everything I could, took on leadership roles, became an executive chef (best job ever!) and eventually, after being laid off during COVID, I bet on myself.

And I built my own.

Not overnight. Not perfectly. But steadily.

My entire life was about putting others first. My kids. My clients. My responsibilities.

And now?!?

For the first time in a very long time…it feels like I’m actually living. I feel F R E E!!!!

There’s something about your 40’s that shifts everything. (And I mean everything lol) You see people differently. You see yourself differently. The things you used to stress over? Don’t hit the same.

The need to prove yourself? Fades. Bye!

The desire to protect your peace? Skyrockets and becomes a MAJOR priority. And for me, this chapter is about something I’ve never fully given myself permission to do:

Be a little selfish. Not in a harmful way, but in a necessary way. In a “I matter too” kind of way.

My kids are grown. I legit raised 3 human beings! Who do I think I am lol! And now I get to focus on ME.

I’m excited about that. 🙌🏽

So what does that look like for me? Well let me tell you!

It looks like solo movie dates.

Yes….by myself, snacks in hand, fully relaxed, no sharing my nachos with jalapeño’s. Get your own 😂

It looks like taking myself out to dinner and actually enjoying my own company, getting my little sip on. 🍷

It looks like wandering through a used bookstore or getting lost in an antique shop for hours. Literally the best thing ever!

It looks like choosing me…..on purpose.

It also looks like being honest about the weight I’ve carried, my whole life.

Because there’s another layer to all of this…Being a Black woman in this world comes with expectations that are rarely spoken but always felt.

We’re expected to be strong. Always. To carry everything. Handle everything. Endure everything. That’s a lot of everything’s!

And while strength is a beautiful thing, it can also be heavy. Sometimes you don’t want to be strong. Sometimes you just want to be soft. Or tired. Or supported. There have been moments, especially working in affluent spaces, where I’ve felt the unspoken question in the room:

“Do you belong here?”

And the answer is yes the freak I do. I most certainly do. But I won’t pretend that feeling doesn’t exist. The difference is, I don’t let it define me.

Because the people who actually hire me? Who sit at my table? Who trust me with their experiences? They’ve treated me with nothing but respect and appreciation and I love them for that.

That’s all that matters. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s this:

You cannot pour from an empty cup.

🫶🏽 You have to take care of yourself 🫶🏽

And that doesn’t always mean a vacation or something extravagant. Sometimes it’s the small things:

• Taking an hour to yourself without guilt
• Calling a friend instead of holding everything in
• Laughing when life feels heavy
• Saying no when you need to. No is a full sentence.

Trying to carry everything alone will wear you down faster than anything else. I refuse to wear a cape every day and be Superwoman.

At the end of the day, this isn’t about rejecting social media. It’s about not letting it dictate who you are. It’s about remembering that real life doesn’t need to be perfectly curated to be meaningful. It’s about choosing authenticity over approval.

And for me?

It’s about finally stepping into the version of myself I’ve always known was there… I just didn’t have the space to fully be her yet. But now I do….and I’m not shrinking her for anyone.

Not for the camera.
Not for the internet.
Not for expectations that were never mine to begin with.

This is my life.

And I’m finally living it on my terms. You goal girl!

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A few beautiful quotes that I love that’ll hopefully inspire or encourage you:

“I have learned that it is okay to be me. And that is powerful.”- Tracee Ellis Ross

“There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish.”- Michelle Obama

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.”- Audre Lorde